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Next time you think life`s not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn`t small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that`s unfair
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
Cops never say “thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed”. It’s just plain selfish.
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)