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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
My tricks aren`t for kids.
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.
Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.