Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
I lent my girlfriend ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now she left me and I don’t know what she looks like.
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend