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I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
Insert coin to view my status message.
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.