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Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?