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I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?