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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.