Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure, When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure, When you drink Whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems, When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems. Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.