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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.