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My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.