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There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
Girl: I have changed my mind. Boy: Thank God! Does the new one work?
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"