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Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
“You look tired” is just a polite way to tell someone they look like sh*t.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.