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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?