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Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it`s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
Being normal is boring.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"