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Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
If u think I talk to much, just let me know. We can talk about it!
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
I told my wife that I have a sexual satisfaction guarantee policy. If you`re not completely satisfied, we`ll just do it all over again. Guaranteed.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.