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Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.