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Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Live each day like you’re marked for deletion.
It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
Can someone make a voodoo doll of me and send it off to the gym?
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.