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Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.