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I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.