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I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
Paused Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory to go buy a Snickers. This is why I can`t watch Breaking Bad.
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.