Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.