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Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
Marriage counselling: Because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she`s being a bitch.
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.