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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
I make a great second impression.
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe