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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.