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Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
Cashiers are always checking me out.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!