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I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
The best things in life require no pants.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...