Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
It only takes 2 ingredients to make a baby. Does that not blow your mind. Like at least there should be some flour or something.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
The worst part of being an insomniac is having to eat spiders while Iām awake to maintain my yearly average.
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
I dream about naps.