Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
I`ve given up on giving up.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.