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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
The one thing women don`t want to find in their stockings on christmas morning is their husband
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.