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The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
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The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)