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Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
Taking down my Christmas tree would probably just be a waste of time at this point.
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...