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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.