Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
I screamed a Brazilian times during that waxing.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I`ll be out sick.
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."