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Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."