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Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.