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Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
My anger management class pisses me off
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.