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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.