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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.