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My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
I won the Twister contest hands-down.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
Just saw a commercial for weight gainer pills. Have the people with this "problem" not heard of pizza and alcohol?
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.