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I`m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
I haven`t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn`t want to interrupt her.
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
I`ll never understand women. They hate when you ask their age, but get mad if you forget their birthday.
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.