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The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
I think, therefore i`m single.
I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
Merry Christmas week! The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning!
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.