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Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
Me:"I had a dream about you." Girlfriend:"Awwwwww." Me:"Yeah, you died."
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?