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I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!