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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.