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Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.