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Was the little pig who decided to built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot?
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.