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People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
I’m in no shape to exercise.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.