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Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....