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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.