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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.