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I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.