Daily Silly Status

So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers

See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.

I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days

I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.

I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.

I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.

Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"

Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!

I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it`s okay if they put the receipt in my bag.

If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper

If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore

*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*

And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”

Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."

I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life