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Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.