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"Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table
I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
Iām not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/