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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.