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Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
If a worker gets fired & banned from the Lego company, have they been "blocked"?
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.