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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
Hate cleaning my floors...how fast would I go to hell if I got a blind roommate and replaced his cane with a swiffer?
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.