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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.