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Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
Three weeks without a signal typo!
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.