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I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.