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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"