Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
My life is a very complicated drinking game
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.