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If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
awesome collection!
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.