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I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook