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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
There was a spider in my bathtub so I got a tissue and very carefully burned the house down.
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.