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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
Dear Santa, I was framed!
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich