Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.