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Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
I was so angry when I found my wife’s profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn’t “fun to be around.”
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
Having the worst day ever. All traffic lights I passed were green so I had to stop on the side of the road to check my Facebook like some caveman.