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I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.