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"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…