Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.