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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.