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Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.